


Sometime Around Midnight

by FerreiraDiamandisDelRey



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Smut, ereri, eruri mention, soul mates, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FerreiraDiamandisDelRey/pseuds/FerreiraDiamandisDelRey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We have our obsessions.<br/>Some are stronger than others.</p><p>(Basically a long ass poem about depression and breakups BUT WITH A HAPPY ENDING)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometime Around Midnight

I still remember what it was like to hold his hand. 

It made everything warm and unmitigatedly serene.

His hands were always cold and soft, a bit like snow after the sun has begun to peak out from behind dull clouds in the winter. 

He couldn’t hide when I was holding his hand.

For some reason he hide behind this…. stoic facade the lingers in the back of my mind.

He was brutally honest and tyrannical. 

We were at that point in a relationship where the butterflies were gone and it was just calm.

I guess he missed the butterflies because he left. 

Now someone who will never love him like I did……

Is holding his hand.

And making him get those tingly butterflies. 

I wonder if he dropped the facade.

And picked up a new one.

I bet they drink coffee on the porch like we used to.

We would curl up on the porch swing.

He would sip his black coffee.

Mine would be diluted by heavy vanilla creamer.

He said it was the color of my skin.

His new boyfriend’s skin is the color of creamer.

I would visit his office a lot. 

He had 7 pictures in his office.  
4 of me. 

1 of his mother,

1 of his two best friends from his childhood.

And 1 of his new boyfriend and him in college.

He would lay the pictures down and close the blinds sometimes.

And he would slowly unroll the color of my shirt.

And nibble on my collarbone.

And leave love bites.

Love bites.

He would lean me over his desk.

And whisper “I love you.”

Once we were done,

he would kiss my face.

And then he would place the pictures upright.

I would go back to our house.

And wait for his return.

The day he left he came home early. 

He left his jacket and briefcase in his car.

He sat down on the edge of that fucking leather arm chair,

and in a low voice ended things.

I was sobbing

and he was packing.  
I was curled up on the couch sobbing

as he walked in and out with boxes and bags.

After two hours, he placed the keys on the hook by the light/

He shut the door behind him and left the neighborhood. 

I told my sister over coffee.

She frowned and shook her head.

I told my best friend over a beer.

He hugged me and mumbled harsh words.

My parents were befuddled. 

They thought things were great between us.

And I did too. 

I sold the house and all the furniture.

There were too many memories.

I slept in my car for 2 months

and listened to Pictures of You 

237 times in the front seat crying.

I got a job.

I wasn’t living off his paycheck anymore.

I worked as cashier at 7/11.

I got a second job.

I worked as a bartender at Wall Rose.

And one solemn night I saw him.  
He was wearing a white shirt

and grey slacks.

An arm was draped around his shoulder

as he drank.

The arm belonged to a fucking twink

with bigass eyebrows

who was treating him so well

and looked at him with so much love.

First my angel looked at me

and his thin eyes widened.

Then my demon looked at me

and gave a small wave.

They left an hour later

and had spent 32.65 with tax.

I left an hour later and 

started crying in the middle of the street.

The wind was brisk and my skin was chilled.

I choked on salty tears and clung to a streetlight

for support.

I started going to group therapy for people

who suffer from depression

It ranged from mild to severe.  
The supervisor placed me in severe.

Annie told us about her deceased father.

Sasha talked about her binge eating.

Jean spoke of his lack of faith.

“Eren, would you like to say something?”

I shouldn’t have put on a nametag.

Everyone stared at me.

And the clock ticked.

I didn’t talk about him.

I started crying and felt a bit lightheaded. 

I left. 

I saved up all my work money and bought an apartment.

It had 3 rooms.

I got a third job. 

This time I was cleaning at a morgue.

He cleaned a lot.

I bought a book about serial killers

and cried a bit.

I read three chapters before

I decided to go a walk.

The wind was warm, the winter dying down.

It had been 6 months now.  
I was barely existing.

I had stopped talking to my friends.

I hadn’t called my sister back.

I dropped my mug this morning.

I didn’t go to work yesterday.

I was outside and felt as if I was suffocating.

I want back to my apartment 

and finished my book.

Then I wrote a suicide letter.

And put it on my nightstand.

My mother called and told me happy birthday.

I didn’t know it was my birthday.

I got 5 cards in the mail.

“Happy Birthday Bestie!”

Armin.

“I love you, please call me.”

Mikasa.

“Happy B-Day!!!!”

Marco.

“Bruhhhh…. WHAT ARE THOSE.”

Connie. Shocker.

“Happy Birthday.”

Levi.

I blacked out a bit  
and fell to the floor. 

I shoved the card into 

a ziploc bag and hid it.

The next day, I fell

asleep in the bathtub 

and woke up with a migraine. 

7 months. 

I thought about school.

I got a degree in education.

I applied for a job as 

an 8th grade english teacher.

I got accepted. 

The job started in September.

Once it hit September,

It was now 13 months.

Over a year.

My class was very loud and rude.

They gave me weird looks 

and turned in subpar essasies. 

I called my sister

and we went and got dinner.

She has a girlfriend now. 

I smiled for her.

I went to the movies

with Armin

and laughed for him.

I was at the grocery store.

I was in the cracker aisle.

I had a panic attack.

I left the store empty handed.

I saw a sign for free kittens.

I looked in the box the lady had.

There was a black one with blue eyes.

I took it home.

The kitten curled up on my chest 

and I cried.

14 months.

I went on my computer.

I checked my emails.

3.

Nothing good.

I went on Facebook.

My status said single.

His status said single.

I was confused.

He probably hadn’t been on in a while.

His last post was 3 days ago.

I turned my computer off.

I was in the break room

watching the bubbles

in the water tank.

He texted me.

“Eren, are you free tonight.”

“Yes.”

“Would you possibly be interested in having dinner?”

“Yes.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up.”

I sent him my address 

and crumpled my cup.

I wore khakis 

and a bluish oxford shirt.

He wore black pants

and white oxford.

My head began to hurt.

He told me about what had happened

between Erwin and him.

I nodded a lot.

He said he was sorry.

I began to cry.

He hugged me.

He paid for dinner.

He drove me home.

He invited me to dinner next week.

I was grading papers 

when I got a text from 

Armin inviting me to get drinks the next day.

I accepted.

I told Armin about him.

He smiled and said that was greet.

I called Mikasa and told her.

She told me to be careful.

I said I would be.

We met for dinner the following week.

I told him about group therapy,

and selling the house,

and my 3 jobs,

and the birthday card.

He reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

On the ride home,

I told him about how 

I kept track of the months.

He swallowed and rested his hand

on my thigh.

We went back to his apartment. 

He showered.

He told me to shower.

He gave me a set of pajamas to wear.

We got his bed.

I told him about the crackers

and he rubbed my back

and listened.

I started crying

and told him he hurt me.

He pulled me into his lap

and kissed my forehead.

I cried into his chest.

I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up in his arms.

He made me coffee.

We sat on his balcony.

He told me he missed me.

One of my students told me

That I looked happier.

I told him I was.

Levi took me out again.

And again.

And again.

We went back to my apartment one time.

While I was in the shower,

he found my suicide letter.

I came into my bedroom

and he was sitting on the bed

crying.

I saw what he was holding.

And cried too.

I slept in his arms again.

We had been together again

for a month.

I went to his office.

His picture of Erwin was gone.

It was replaced 

by another one 

of me.

I sat on his lap

and fed him lunch

as he checked emails 

and kissed my neck. 

I went out with my friends.

We went to an

arcade and I laughed.

I had fun.

The next day,

it was beginning

to grow chillier.

Levi took me

to a park

and we had a picnic.

He let me wear his sweater.

He told me to keep it.

I slept over at his place.

I had a nightmare

where Erwin had paid

Levi to date me again

and it was awful.

I woke up sobbing.

I covered my mouth 

so I wouldn’t wake 

Levi up.

I felt so bad because

I knew Erwin 

was a good person

and he would never 

do that.

In fact,

he was probably

going through what 

I went through.

I couldn't stop crying.

Eventually, 

my sobs woke Levi up

and he rocked me

back to sleep.

The next day

was Halloween. 

My group of friends

invited Levi and I 

to a party.

I was a cat.

Levi was my owner.

I felt good.

Levi said

I resembled my

own cat 

whom wasn’t very

fond of Levi.

The party was great.

I had too much candy

and Levi had too much to 

drink.

I drove him back to 

my apartment.

I took of his shoes

and changed him

into my pjs.

I tucked him in

and kissed him goodnight.

I fed my cat and 

entered some grades.

I went to bed at 2.

It was now November. 

4 days later,

Levi asked me 

If I wanted to go

to the mountains 

for Thanksgiving.

I said yes.

Thanksgiving was the 27th.

We left on the 26th.

The cabin was very homely

and warm.

He made spaghetti 

for dinner 

and we ate in front

of the fire.

The night,

we had sex.

It was the first time

in the two months

we had been dating.

Levi said he was gonna 

take it slow.

He was gentle 

and said I love you.

It felt good.

Really good.

We cuddled naked

and fell asleep naked.

Thanksgiving was good.

We teamed up and

made dinner together.

We made a good team.

We left the next day 

and on the ride home,

he asked me 

to move in with him.

I said yes.

A week later,

we packed up my stuff

and moved everything

to his apartment.

My cat wasn’t happy.

We drank wine and 

sat by the fire

entangled with 

one another. 

I said 

I love you.

He smiled.

I kissed his cheek.

We went to our room.

He slowly undressed me.

And made love to me.

December was very lovely.

It was Levi’s birth month.

We decorated the apartment

against his will.

He took me 

out to dinner 

on the 15th.

He told me to dress nicely.

We were eating,

when he stood up.

I dropped my fork onto 

my plate and stared.

He walked around 

the table to me 

and kneeled.

I started crying.

People stared.

He locked his eyes

into mine.

He reached into his pocket

and pulled out a box.

He opened it.

There was a ring. 

“Eren Jaeger

When we first met,

I hated you.

You made me feel

new things 

and I hated you.

When we started 

dating, I didn’t

feel right.

I wasn’t used 

to having a home.

So I left.

And I learned,

that I only get that 

feeling

when I’m with you.

So,

Eren.

Let me come back home.

Will you marry me?”

I was shaking.

I nodded.

I said yes.

Then I said

yes again.

And again.

And again.

He slipped the ring

onto my finger.

I stood up 

and he pulled 

me closer to him

and he kissed me.

People clapped 

and he placed his hands on my cheeks.

10 days later,

we sat by the tree.

“Happy Birthday.”

I said giving him 

the card he gave me

and a box.

The card made him

tear up.

He was surprised I opened it.

He opened the box 

and kissed me.

He took the 

cravat out of the box

and inspected the 

stitching.

He asked me where I got it.

I told him I made it.

He told me he loved me.

He gave me a box.

I opened it.

My eyes filled to the brim 

with tears.

It was the key

to our old house

on a chain.

“You’re my home.”

He said softly. 

He bought the old house.

3 months later,

I said I do.

All my friends came.

My parents came

and Levi’s mom

and uncle came.

The ceremony was stunning.

The world was pure again.

Today is July 6th.

Levi and I have been married 

for 4 months.

We’re sitting on the porch

and he’s holding my hand.

And it’s warm 

and unmitigatedly serene.

I smile for myself.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! If you ever want to contact me, you can reach me at:
> 
> Tumblr: ferreiradiamandisdelrey  
> Instagram: heichoudiamandis  
> Kik: heichoudiamandis


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